Hey ya’ll. Yes, I realise it’s been a long ass time since I blogged. Well, I’ve been having internal conflicts with none other but thyself and so yes thou shall not complain.

And yes as you’ve probably guessed we’ve been doing Shakespeare for E.Lit. And YES, I hate the language. It’s not fucking annoying. What with all the rhymes and everything. I mean seriously, can’t you speak like a normal human being? My god.

Matron had a go at me today for not fasting. WTF. It’s my bloody choice. And if I choose not to fast then so be it that’s up to me. And it’s not my fault I can’t go intot he dining hall during Ramadhan so just HELP me get food like you do for girls who are having their period! Well, yeah, I’m having my period anyway. So get me food, gad dammit!

Okay I’m done ranting. Hmm, so yeah Ismael’s off in Egypt doing his thang while I’m back home here doing my thang. I thought I’d feel like complete shit but I only feel like normal shit and it’s getting better day by day and I grow more used to being thousands of miles apart and yeah I complain and nag a lot but fuck you I have every right so fuck OFF. This is me transiting into long-distance relationship mood so excuse me if my mood fluctuates frequently. Haha. Nice use of alliteration there Kira! *pats self of the back*

Hmm. So, I’ve got loads of work to do. Like, FUCK loads. I’m so weighed under by work that I feel as though I’ve got a poltergeist sitting on my chest. And yeah, please excuse the way I’m typing now cause I’m using fancy vocab but I’m still in English/English Literature mode so I’ve got an excuse. You know, O levels feel like far away but I’m pretty damn sure it’s quickly creeping up on me. And because I want to go to Sunway I really just have to make sure I get above C’s for 3 subjects including English. I’m pretty damn sure I can do that lol!

Here’s my aims:

English O Level – A

Drama Edexcel – A*

Math Edexcel – B-A

E. Lit iGCSE – A-A*

Malay iGCSE – C-B

Geography O Level – A

History O Level – A

Business iGCSE – A

Science core iGCSE– Eheheheheh.

Yeah I believe those are all my subjects. I would take Islam O Level but that would mena having less than a month to study and I’d like to take my own sweet paced time to study, so nah, no need. I hope to get a C for Science at least. I’m just, gonna focus on other subjects more.. It’s not like I’m EVER going to do anything that needs Science anyway so here’s to you PN. SABRINA. I don’t care if I fail your fucking subject.

ON A BRIGHTER NOTE

Ismael, sometimes you make me run wild in my own little fucked up head.

Sometimes, you make me feel lost, like I don't know where I'm heading.

Sometimes, you make me stand still, as if you're the roots beneath my feet.

Sometimes, you make my hear palpitate like you've injected ecstasy into my bloodstream.

And yet, sometimes you make me feel incredibly and remarkably whole.

And sometimes, you make me wonder how you're the only one who can do that.

I love you, Ismael. And I'm missing you everytime I open and close my eyes.

My world .. everything is crumbling down on me.. Nothing seems to go my way anymore.. And I'm not trying to sound like a diva and I'm not saying everything has to go my way all the time but having hardly ANYTHING go the way I want it? It's hard to keep going. And I mean it literally.. Sometimes  I just sit and stare blankly in to space with so many million things in my mind that I can't keep up and eventually I don't even know what I'm thinking about. It's scary.

2 more days.. And then you go, and I won't see you for 10 months..
Today marked 18 months for us. 1 and a half years.. And it feels like only a short while.. So I wonder how its going to be for the coming 10 months. Of course, it'll go by eventually.. It may just feel like forever.. Hopefully when you're back things won't be different.. Or if they are.. I hope they are better...

2 days.. 2 DAYS.... And I might not even be able to see you on one of those days..

"I'll just see you on Thursday" .... my heart goes CRUSHCRUSHCRUSH.. My eyes prickle and burn as I fight back tears that threaten to spill.

Its not your fault.. I just wish you didn't have to go.. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel.

I won't see you smile or laugh
I won't be able to touch your face, your hair..
I won't be able to hug you and feel your warmth..
I won't be able to kiss you.. Nothing..

For TEN MONTHS..

I'm going to miss you so much it will PHYSICALLY hurt.

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I've got it all, but I feel so deprived
I go up, I come down and I'm emptier inside
Tell me what is this thing that I feel like I'm missing
And why can't I let it go

There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more
Than wanting more

I've got the time and I'm wasting it slowly
Here in this moment I'm half way out the door
Onto the next thing, I'm searching for something that's missing

There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more
I'm wanting more.....

I'm always waiting on something other than this
Why am I feelin' like there's something I missed.....

There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more to life...